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Tag Archives: violence

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The other day I turned a fly into a “crawl”‘ and then I turned it into a “doesn’t go anywhere at all because it’s legs and wings have all been ripped off.”

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Monday, June 7, 2010

Video games are teaching children that violence is OK, which really takes the burden off military recruiters.

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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Prisons are horrible. In my opinion they should all be torn down and you should probably take the inmates out first.

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The Post Apocalyptic Guide to the Good Life: Jokes

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Here are some wisecracks to use in the futuristic hell scape.
How many pollocks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. There are no more light bulbs or Poland.
What do you get when you cross a hooker and a poodle?
A horrible mutant.
What did the sailor say when he saw the world eradicated by nuclear [...]

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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Our penal system is based on the concept of reform. We take people and then reform them into something horrible.

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Monday, March 29, 2010

Nobody cares when a snowman melts. But when fireman does the same thing…

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The Trip

Thursday, March 4, 2010

This is a short sketch that I wrote to illustrate the absurdity of the near-death mindset, and the often dark comedy that has taken hold in recent decades. If you like, print it out, get some special effects and iMovie and go shoot the thing – I’d love to see how it plays out in [...]

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Monday, January 11, 2010

If you want to kidnap an old man don’t bother to tie him up, just make him sit down in a beanbag chair. He’ll never escape.

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Sometimes we say a troubled man is a ticking time bomb; it’s particularly accurate in the middle east.

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Thursday, September 10, 2009

Few things are creepier than a person’s name on a to do list.

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Friday, August 28, 2009

Some people claim to be loved by their cats. It isn’t love if a change in relative size between the two parties would lead to murder.

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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I’m often tempted to bring a gun to work. I’m a comedian.

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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Some people name their penises, I didn’t do that but I did name my hand, the Boston Strangler.

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Studies have shown violence in video games can lead to a sharp increase in make believe homicide.

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Friday, June 12, 2009

A threat is an armed promise.

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I once threw pebbles at a girl’s window until she opened it,
and then I threw them at her face.

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Monday, March 23, 2009

Anyone who calls my work barbaric has never had their head split in half with an axe.

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