Clever Things to Say

This is a sketch I’m currently working on to be performed at a time and location as of yet undetermined.

So both of you are test subjects for our new truth serum?

A: Yes  B: No

You’re not both here for the serum experiment?

A: No B: Yes

Are you here for the experiment?

A: Yes
B: No, he’s not

Are you calling him a liar?

A: He is
B: I am

So you both agree?

A: Yes
B: We do. He’s a liar
A: No

Let’s start with your names?

A: My names is James Andrews
B: That’s my name, not his

Well what’s his name then?

B: Bellfurter Poppycock

I’ll just put you both down as James Andrews? So James-

A: Yes? B: Yes?

What would you say if I asked what time is it?

A: Ten thirty.
B: Three.

Why would you say three Mr. Andrews?

A: I wouldn’t.
B: Shut up. Because that’s what my watch says.

But your watch is off by four and a half hours.

B: Is it?
A: Yes.

No. Who here wants a pistachio?

A: He does.
B: I do actually.
A: He’s lying.